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Wine = Whine

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We’ve all been there. The incessant instances of “No,” “I don’t wanna go,” and “Mama…,” whether it’s at the 5 o’clock witching hour or the 1 o’clock I don’t want to take a nap, these sounds are less than pleasant. Like nails on a chalkboard, the longer it goes on, the more it drives you insane. It drives your blood pressure up and takes you to a place that can only be made better by some time alone and a sizeable glass of rosé! Let’s face it: they whine, you want wine.

Motherhood isn’t easy. It’s non-stop, 24-hours-a-day, seven-days-a-week work. And unlike any other job, you can’t clock out, you don’t get paid, and there’s no such thing as overtime. And no matter how badly you wanted this “job” or how long you took to perfect your “resume” (a.k.a. did whatever it took to have a baby), there are many times when you want to quit. We know…we feel it too.

Although we can’t offer you a break room, we can offer you a few words of advice. When you’re all whined out, take a moment and step away. Whether it’s for some deep breaths, a quick workout, or a glass of wine, do something that will help you reset. Stepping out of the moment rather than stepping into the drama will let you come back to the scene in a whole different headspace.  

But when all else fails and your self-inflicted time out doesn’t do the trick, pick up the phone. Call your BFF, and let it all out. The more you share, the less isolated you’ll feel. Community and camaraderie can be more powerful than any cocktail you concoct. Verbalizing your feelings to a peer can prevent you from loudly vocalizing (a.k.a. yelling) your frustration to your kids. So, while a phone call may seem second best to a glass of wine, “pouring” out your emotions can be pretty powerful.

Cheers!

Even Moms Need a Day Off!

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As moms, we often think we can do things one-handed, backwards, and in the dark. You know how it is. You use any extremity (even teeth) to hold bags, babies, and BIG cups of coffee. Your day starts with the roosters and ends with the owls. The responsibilities are endless, the needs of others limitless, and the workload large. Motherhood is the most rewarding job—but it’s also the most exhausting. On a daily (more like hourly) basis, you want to quit. You wonder how can things get any harder or any more harried, and then your toddler empties your jewelry box into the toilet bowl—and you think, I guess it can get worse!

The only way to survive the disaster days is to allow yourself time to recharge. Even the fanciest cars need to refuel (nobody can run on empty forever). You are not a horrible person for thinking that time with your kids can be terrific and terrible all at the same time. They can push your buttons, make you want to pull all your hair out, and force you to ask yourself, Why did I ever do this? Let us remind you that you did this because even on the temper-tantrum, drama-filled, never-ending-tears days when they are finally sleeping and you stand at the door watching them breathe, you think, I never knew a love like this existed.

That’s why.

However, when you are worked to the bone, appreciating even the most precious moments of motherhood can be difficult. If you’re feeling like you can’t take another minute of the crying, you’re not alone. You are not a bad person or a bad mother. It is because of the enormity of it all, the all-consuming, all-in and all-on, that we beg you to take a break. We ask you to give yourself a rest—even if only for a few hours. Ask your partner, your parents, your friends, or a sitter to come over and relieve you for a few minutes, a few hours, or even a few days. It’s okay to need time off; we all do! You shouldn’t feel guilty because you want a day to sleep past 5 a.m., not change a dirty diaper, or not have an argument about why you can’t eat dessert before dinner.

We get that guilty feeling too when we clock out, but you gotta do it. Time away from any job is needed, especially one that’s all day and all night. Don’t beat yourself up because you can’t be on ALL the time. Nobody can (and anyone that says they can is lying to you). We moms can sort of do it all, carry a kid, a bag, a stroller, and pay for groceries all at one time. You do whatever you have to do to keep them safe, smiling, and healthy, in body and spirit.

Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you don’t need some time to just do nothing. You’re not a machine; you’re just an awesome mom.

Mother’s Day: Enjoying the Moment

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In honor of Mother’s Day, we, two mothers who often find ourselves running (literally!) from work to home, from kids’ schools to kids’ soccer practices, and from our offices to our errands, wanted to press “pause” and share with you our most precious mommying moments. These make us stop and forget about the dirty dishes, the unfolded laundry, and the to-do list that’s a mile long. These remind us of why we endured endless hours of labor, weeks of sleep deprivation, and years of dirty diapers (and in some cases, hundreds of shots, blood draws, and ultrasounds to achieve motherhood). So, while our words may never make it into a Hallmark card, here are our Mother’s Day thoughts.

Sheeva:

Work out, take care of patients, family time, sleep. Repeat. This pretty much sums up my day-to-day routine. It can get pretty repetitive. And although routines are soothing (it’s nice to know what’s coming next!), they can also get monotonous. You can lose sight of the little things. However, the little things amidst the regularity of my days have come to be my most special mom moments.

It’s funny. As a mom, these cherished daily moments sprinkled throughout your day of “regular” activities change as your children age. From rocking your baby to sleep to watching your toddler tackle that art of talking to pushing your kids on the swing after dinner, the precious moments change. They transform as your family transforms. And while you will never forget the firsts, sometimes the lasts become just as important. As the mother of an almost seven-year-old boy and 11-year-old girl, now my most precious moments are bedtime.

And although for many years this was probably my most dreaded time of the day (putting a toddler to sleep can be terrible!), now bedtime is our time to lay together, share stories about our day, and talk about what we hope for tomorrow. My favorite moment of late was one night, when my kids were lying side by side (they have their own rooms and own beds but most nights like to share the same room!). I laid next to them and asked what was so funny. They made me pinky promise and then proceeded to tell me their crushes (P.S. my daughter has one, and my son has four)! Their giggling voices still make me smile. As a mother, I hope they always feel safe enough in my presence to share their most intimate moments. I hope our nights are always free from judgment, shame, or holding secrets back.

 

Jaime:

Life moves fast—especially in New York City. We are always running, doing, going. Standing still is rarely an option (or safe; someone is likely to push past you!). And for as long as I can remember, moving forward at a fast pace was who I was and how I functioned. However, despite the efficiency of this pace, this notion of constant movement can breed anxiety and stress—not just for you, but for your little ones.

It wasn’t until a forced time out from work this past summer that I realized just how toxic my “need for speed life” was for my daughters. My constant telling them “let’s go,” “you’re on the clock,” and “move it” did not fall on deaf years. They were listening. I heard this when my older daughter began to use an impatient tone with her younger sister and her friends. She exhibited anxiety, a need to keep on task, and a fear of being late. She seemed, like me, to always be stressed about the next event. Even at the young age of five, she was anxious about fitting it all in. I felt awful. I thought long and hard about how to slow her down, make her less conscious of the clock, and relish relaxation. I soon realized that, to change her, I had to change me. Her actions were not innate but learned—from me. To help her, I had to slow down and take a deep breath.

This summer, I did just that. I stopped, and I tried to take it all in. And although I was not perfect, I took time to watch the sunset, play tag, and color silly pictures. I didn’t rush dinner, and I didn’t stress over how long they took to brush their teeth. I simply enjoyed them and our time together.

We have chosen to share the good and not the bad not because we don’t have endless trying mom moments; trust us, we have many! We by no means want people to think that we’re perfect. We simply want to encourage others to hold on to the good and to let go of the bad, to remember the special and let go of the sordid. The bad doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother; it means you’re normal! Holding on to the bad will put you in a bad place. Try and take a moment to remember the good, the special, and your most precious Mom moments.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Truly,

Jaime and Sheeva

Goodbye, Diapers!

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I think one of the greatest mom moments might be when you say goodbye to diapers: the moment when you realize you no longer need to carry a diaper bag, no longer need to search out bathrooms with changing tables, and no longer need to keep the Diapers.com app open at all times. For all of you moms of toddlers, both who are on the cusp or who have recently completed potty training, you get what we are talking about. It’s a goodbye moment that you never thought would come. And unlike the many places, events, and people you have waved goodbye to, this one evokes intensely polarized feelings: relief and reminiscing, escape and longing, and happiness and sadness (whoever thought they would miss a diaper!). But while most of us are not bummed about saying goodbye to cleaning someone’s bum, we feel a twinge of sadness for the mommying chapter that is closing.

In many ways, the early days of mommying are like running the hurdles. And even if you are not a track star, you get the reference. But it’s not only the ups and downs that those infant and toddler days bring, but also the major events that need to be tackled, one after another: feeding, sleeping, crawling, walking, talking, peeing, and pooping. You clear one, and it’s on to the next. And these hurdles, unlike that track and field event you watched on TV, are not all the same height. Some are super, super high.

Potty training is one of those skyscraper-like hurdles. And whether you decide to follow the “Child-Oriented/Brazelton Approach” or the “Toilet Training in Two Days or Less Approach,” it can be a bear or a major pain in the behind. And trust us, we are not here to tell you one approach is better than another or criticize what you have done. You do what works for you and your little one. But we are here to say that, whichever you chose, bear with your baby (and yourself) as you tackle this giant milestone. Don’t let the pressure of those around you, an impending trip, or a summer camp requirement stress you out. It will happen. As moms who have jumped this hurdle twice, we promise you it will.

We are pretty confident that you won’t find a mother who will miss those poop explosions or trying to wipe, change, and hold their little one down with one hand while searching for a clean place to change their diaper with the other. But you will find many moms (us included) who will mourn the passage of time. Saying goodbye to diapers symbolizes that next phase. It symbolizes their growth and ours, both as mothers and as individuals. In many ways, no matter how dirty it is, it is the end of an era.

While that era may have been soiled and smelly, there was also something special about it. So, while we eagerly wave goodbye to diapers, don’t rush what’s to come. As a wise mother once said, “No one ever goes to college in diapers, so don’t stress about potty training.”

The Ultimate Snow Day: What It Really Feels Like to Have a Newborn

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A couple of weeks ago, we were chatting with a friend who recently had a baby. After the routine pleasantries—“He is so adorable,” “You look amazing,” and “How magical is motherhood?”—the conversation got real. We started to dish on the unbelievable fatigue, the shower drain-clogging hair loss, and the daily outfit dilemma (nothing fits my top or my bottom!).

Let’s face it: those first few weeks can be pretty blustery. To quote a fellow member of the new mom club: “That first month is like one long snow day. You hang out in your PJs, you eat lots of comfort food, and you lay around on the couch.” Your days snowball into nights and avalanche into the next day. It’s one big mental blizzard.

And although many of you will bring your little ones home during a heat wave in August, when snow days are far from your mind, you get the concept. It’s that never-ending feeling of being in a daze. Not only are you utterly exhausted, but you are also completely confused: nipple pads, Diaper Genies, and breast pumps. It’s like speaking a foreign language. It makes you want to bury your head in your pillow, pull up the covers, and take a long nap. But you can’t. Motherhood calls.

At some point, you will have to put on regular clothes, you will have to cook yourself a meal, and you will have to leave your apartment. You will have to go back to normal. And finding out how to adapt to that new normal can be tough—it’s hard for even the most seasoned mothers. It’s important to remember that things will be “chilly” when getting your cadence down, but with time, help, and patience, things will get easier.

Take it from us, former members of the new mom “snow day club.” Motherhood, particularly those first few months, will throw you lots of snowballs. Some will land softly, and some will hit you smack in the face. But wherever they hit, you can brush them off and get back up.
The sun is on its way out!