Of all the questions we ask ourselves, “Am I ready to be a parent?” is probably the biggest one (followed by “What should I wear on that first date?” and “Should we go for dinner or drinks?”). But all kidding aside, knowing when the time is right to become a parent can be downright difficult. Even us non-lawyer types can convincingly argue both sides and sway even the toughest of juries (ourselves, our besties, and our family) to see it our way. Add to that deciding to go at this on your own, and the decision can be even more difficult. When embarking on single parenthood, you need to think about things like sperm source, fertility medications, inseminations, and ultrasounds. Sorting this stuff out can make even the most level-headed among us a little loopy.
But just like any legal battle, evidence is needed before a decision can be made. And to get to that decision, it takes time, research, and a whole lot of effort! Deciding if, when, and even how to have a baby without a partner is no different. It takes a lot of thought and evidence before you can reach your decision. And although it is unlikely that we will be sitting with you when your personal verdict is delivered, we can offer some advice on how to craft your argument about if single parenthood is right for you (#PROSandCONS).
- You are ready to be a mother. You don’t want to freeze your eggs and think about becoming a parent in the future but are ready to become a parent (without a plus one) today.
- You no longer want to wait for someone else to do this with—you are pretty sure that you can do this on your own.
- You spoke with a fertility specialist, reviewed all options, and are cleared for pregnancy (a.k.a. you are in good health, your reproductive organs ready, and you have selected a sperm source).
- You have thought about your decision for a while; it was not made in haste.
- You are not physically your best you. While most of us can tolerate pregnancy (aside from the back pain, the constant urge to pee, and the swollen hands and feet), there are some medical conditions that preclude us from getting pregnant. Although most of them can be fixed (blood pressure can be controlled, diabetes can be regulated, and seizure medications, changed), it is super important that you deal with all of this before you get pregnant.
- You are not financially stable. Kids cost money! And while you certainly don’t need to be a billionaire before you bring a baby into this world, you do want to make sure that your financials are in order before you start a family.
- You are not emotionally ready. Children require A LOT of attention and time. They are pretty much all-consuming all of the time. Make sure you are ready to give of yourself to someone else before you go all in.
- While you want to be a parent, you don’t want to be a single parent by choice.
Odds are that, although our list may not match your list, there is probably a good amount of overlap. Minus the few additions or subtractions, at the heart of it lies the big question: “Are you ready to do this on your own?” And while we as physicians can’t tell you which way your “jury” will go (a.k.a. are you ready to do this?) we can tell you if your uterus, your ovaries, and your body are ready do this.
Furthermore, no matter how long that list is, we can assure you that while you may be thinking of this as single parenthood or as “having a baby on your own,” you are really never alone. You have friends, you have family, you have your fertility team, and you have an entire community of individuals who have also become single parents (many who are eager to share their experiences and offer advice). Go and speak to your OB/GYN and/or a fertility doctor—they can not only provide you with the information about the process but also help you make this baby thing happen.
We will make this closing argument brief. If you want to be a parent, you can become a parent. The modern family has many different faces. Find out what you want yours to be, and shape it. In this courtroom, you write your own verdict. While the process of becoming a parent may take a slightly circuitous path, with a knowledgeable physician and a good support system, you can certainly do this—case closed!